The Remix
by Kari and KyonKyon
Summary: Welcome to the twisted world of the Remix, where a track team equals an anime cult, a stubborn boy king equals a poetry-spouting lunatic, and subliminal messages control fate and rule the world!
1. Fateful Confession

Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to mutilate, edit, and delete scenes of Escaflowne. That special, and unfortunately abused, privilege belongs to the renown Fox Broadcasting Corporation. However, we would like to thank Kawamori Shoji, the good people at Sunrise, and the somewhat iffy people of Bandai Entertainment for their excellent work. You may now continue your fanfic, already in progress.

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Fateful Confession: The Remix

A fanfiction written by Kari and KyonKyon

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The teenager known as Kanzaki Hitomi groaned as she awoke. Shaking her head (and wincing slightly at the pain it caused to reverberate throughout her body), she tried to take in her surroundings. The sight was familiar: school uniform neatly hung up, tarot cards lying in a mess on her desk from a late night reading, duffel bag lying at the foot of her bed. It was her own room, all right.

Groaning again, she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Everything seemed normal enough, but something was nagging at the back of her mind. She strained to remember. Something about . . . a boy? And her pendant, for some strange reason. And a world called Gaea, and an enormous war, and . . .

Hitomi collapsed back on her bed as all her memories came flooding back to her. They couldn't be real . . . could they? "Was it all just a dream?" she wondered out loud. Noticing a bottle in her room, she added, "Or the effect of a really bad hangover?" She clapped a hand to her forehead. "I can't remem—" She froze suddenly as she felt something paperlike press against her face. Slowly, almost disbelievingly, she opened her hand and looked at what it contained. 

Her faced paled. "Stock . . . in Fox Broadcasting?!? But . . . No, oh man, it did really happen . . ." The slip of paper fell from her hand, but the Japanese teenager failed to notice this as she collapsed on the floor of her bedroom, crying hysterically.

***************

"Geez, where is that girl?" Yukari muttered angrily. She sighed. Some days she truly wondered why she was friends with Hitomi and this was one of them. Couldn't Hitomi ever show up on time for practice? 

~*~

A girl wearing warm-up clothes and a very determined expression raced through the student population of her school. Breathing slightly heavily, she carried a pair of track shoes in her hands and was pumping them up and down in time with her feet as she ran.

"Hitomi, hasn't 'practice' started already?" One of her fellow classmates called out.

"I know! I know!" she shot back without missing a step. Hitomi picked up her pace as she sailed down a short set of stairs, then ran full speed to practice, skidding to a stop right in front of Yukari.

She didn't look too happy. "Darn it, Hitomi! You're late! Late _big_ time. When a member of our anime cult – I mean club – shows up late for practice, it's your sponsor – me – that gets yelled at. If you aren't more careful, we'll _both_ get thrown out. You don't want to see me if we do. Got it?"

Hitomi gave her a good-natured salute. "Sorry, Sponsor Yukari. I got hung up writing my term paper." Seeing her friend's mouth opening to condemn her lack of dedication to her duty of promoting anime, she quickly hurried on to her next question. "So did I miss the contest?"

Yukari groaned. She knew where this was headed. "Aw, for crying out loud . . . The next contestant's the last and he just happens to be your object de drool," she said teasingly, rewarded for her efforts by the rich crimson that spread across her friend's face. 

Hitomi watched and the crowd hushed as a young, tall, and rather handsome young man with shoulder-length green hair stepped up to the podium. "Amano-senpai," Hitomi whispered adoringly.

"Ready?" the anime cult president asked solemnly.

The young man known as Amano nodded. Yukari waited tensely for the question.

"Name all the episodes of Ranma Nibun no Ichi, seasons one and two, in order," the president commanded, Yukari starting her stopwatch simultaneously.

The crowd gasped as Amano effortlessly rattled off all forty episodes without any apparent conscious thought. Hitomi giggled. This was what she liked best about Amano-senpai! "And 'Bathouse Battle! We're in Some Hot Water Now,'" he finished. 

There was the soft click of a stopwatch. Yukari looked down at it in amazement. "Ten point six four seconds," she breathed. Her eyes grew wide with excitement. "Hitomi, he's awesome! Awesome! Amano beat eleven seconds! Incredible!" She danced about with joy as the crowd cheered.

"We have a winner!" the president shouted above the uproar. "Will you all now please gather in the auditorium so we may watch the movie of Champion Amano's choice!" More cheers followed this request.

Hitomi and Yukari scrambled to get front row seats for the movie. They barely had time to wonder what Amano's choice would be before he marched on to the stage and took the offered microphone.

"I thank you all for coming to witness my glorious triumph. Now, to celebrate, let us further enrich our knowledge of the Western Hemisphere by watching an anime they have dubbed and presented on television over there. One particular network has been so kind as to provide us a few tapes from their surplus production free of charge. May we have a round of applause for the Fox Broadcasting company?" The cheers rang throughout the auditorium. "Thank you, and, with that, let us begin!" 

Clapping and whistling, Hitomi sat back down in her seat, ready to enjoy the anime. _Joining this cult was one of the best things I've ever done_, she sighed. As the series began to play on the screen, she began to feel excited. She recognized this show. It had been one of her favorites ever when it aired a couple years back. Despite the overused theme of "magical girl gets transported to strange world", it was thoroughly enjoyable. She leaned forward in anticipation of the fight scene she knew was coming up.

The last thing she remembered before she abruptly lost consciousness was a flash of bright, white light. 

***************

__

What's going on? she wondered. Where was she? There was something warm . . . "It's hot . . . The wind's hot . . ." she whispered.

"Um . . . that's just my breath," a voice muttered uneasily.

Hitomi's eyes flew open. They latched almost instantly on a very nervous Junin. "Mr. Mole! What are you doing here?" she demanded angrily. "You're not supposed to appear for another two episo— I mean days!"

He winced. "I was just covering for those guys."

"Huh?" was barely out of her mouth when Mr. Mole was whisked away and replaced by the sight of two men – one only a teenager, really – drinking coffee and snacking on some donuts. They seemed quite startled to see her.

"You're here already?" The older one stammered, dropping his donut. "Darn! I mean, uh, are you ready, Prince Van?" 

"Hurry up!" the prince said urgently. "We've only got twenty-three and a half minutes for this episode! Skip to the next line!"

"Oh, right! Um, I'm sure you'll be able to slay the dragon, Prince Van. Keep your brother's disgrace far from your mind."

"Then _why_ did you just bring it up?" he inquired blandly.

"Uh . . ."

"You just couldn't resist it could you? Had to rub it in just one more time before I went and got killed, right?"

"Of c-course not, Prince Van."

"Well, let me tell you something, Balgus—"

Suddenly, the scene right before Hitomi's eyes began to waver. The two men seemed to notice this as well.

"Oh, no! They're already flashing to another scene!" the older man shouted, as he faded into the darkness. 

"Lousy network executives . . ." cursed the boy as he too faded away.

~*~

Hitomi was now watching two large mecha attempt to destroy each other with ridiculously oversized swords. _They took me away from their fight for this?_ she wondered angrily. Actually, it wasn't bad as far as entertainment went, but that fight between "Balgus" and "Prince Van" had looked far more interesting. Nevertheless, she still watched as the white mecha defeated his opponent – _How original,_ she thought. _Good-guy white wins_ – and posed dramatically in the setting sun. 

"I definitely think I'm missing something here," she muttered under her breath as the scene once again faded away and was replaced by a different one.

She was now in front of a tower that seemed to be being split in two by arcane blue fire. It was a mesmerizing display. So mesmerizing, in fact, that she almost didn't notice the ground crumbling into pieces beneath her feet. Unfortunately, by the time she could wrench her eyes away from the sight, she was already falling, falling, falling into a blackness of indeterminate depth. Screaming, Hitomi stretched out her hand, willing for something, anything to save her.

A bright bubble of white light burst suddenly into the form of an angel several feet above her. It swooped down, serenely beating its wings once, and grasped her outstretched hand. Hitomi sighed in relief, looking thankfully up at the apparition. Its face was shadowed, and she could only barely make out the line of a smile. But something about his face . . . She frowned abruptly, as a thought crossed her mind.

"Um, mysteriously familiar guy, may I ask you a question?" she shouted.

"You already did," he replied flatly. "What's stopping you now?"

She didn't bother listening to his reply. "Um, why are you molting?"

The last thing she saw before the scene faded away was the incredulous look on the boy's face.

***************

Someone was watching her. Someone with shoulder-length green hair, deep, beautiful brown eyes and . . . no, it couldn't be . . . 

"Senpai?" Hitomi whispered. The stranger leaned forward. She sat up abruptly. "Amano-senpai? Where . . .?" 

"You should stay in bed. That was a pretty serious reaction you had to all the flashing lights." Amano's handsome countenance darkened. "I can't believe Western broadcasters would use seizure-inducing lights just to cut out all the blood so they could market the show to a broader audience. It's simply a disgrace to our culture! Maybe we should write a formal letter of complaint to them and all the major translators for mutilating and completely destroying our favorite series and launch a boycott of their products and—" He paused to take a breath, then smiled down at her. "But, anyway, I'm glad you weren't hurt."

"Um, thanks," said Hitomi dizzily. She had almost followed all of that . . .

"I saw you at our last contest. Your form is pretty much perfect, Kanzaki. You've been practicing your heart out since junior high to do it."

She shook her head sadly. "No, I haven't even broken thirteen seconds yet. I wish I could recite episodes as fast as you do, Amano."

He smiled slightly. "I think its all in the way you watch the series."

"Huh?"

"You've got to play them backwards and remember all of the subliminal messages." *Yenom ruoy lla su dnes.* 

"Subliminal messages?" *Esaelp, mrof llib ni.*

"Yeah. Hey, that's a nice pendant."

Hitomi glanced down. "Oh, this?" She took it off and looked at it in her hand. "It's a good luck charm I got from my grandmother, Kikyou. She said something about it being the 'shikon no tama' and the 'key to another world', but she went off in the deep end a long time ago. Still, it keeps really good time!"

"Can I try it?" he asked eagerly.

She silently handed it over to him. He turned and faced the clock hanging on the wall. Carefully timing the moment, he swung. And watched in utter disbelief. "Um, Kanzaki, this thing has absolutely no consistent pattern."

"Just not ours," she muttered. "Uggh – where's Yukari when you need her? Oh, right! SEVENTE—"

"Hitomi, I brought your duffel!" commented Yukari, appearing suddenly at the doorway. "Ah!"

Amano fell to his knees. "I _knew_ this scene was pointless," he mumbled under his breath.

***************

"Yukari! Come on, Yukari!" Hitomi pleaded as she walked home alongside her best friend. "_Say_ something, Yukari."

"I think I can let this slide for a DVD copy of the second Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon movie," Yukari remarked calmly.

"What?"

"And the first season of Fushigi Yugi and Maison Ikkoku on DVD. Oh, and two movie passes. That should do it." She turned around and gave Hitomi a wink.

She saw what Yukari was getting at. "I didn't have a seizure on purpose, you know. It must be all that fainting on cue the drama club has me do."

"Oh, really?" said Yukari teasingly. "I bet you're just wondering if something would have happened if I hadn't shown up."

Hitomi had a sudden disturbing vision of Amano discussing what fine weather they were having today. "Yeah," she muttered. "Something."

~*~

"Hitomi?" asked Yukari some time later as they walked through a tunnel.

"Yes?" replied Hitomi uncertainly. What was that tone in Yukari's voice?

"Have you ever done a reading for you and Amano?"

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"Well, what if it said it wouldn't work out?" Why was Yukari . . .

"Oh." She paused. Then, very hesitantly, said, "But if you really like him . . ."

"What's wrong, Yukari?" Hitomi asked worriedly. Why was she getting this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach?

Yukari turned and faced her. "Look, Hitomi . . . I heard some of the upperclassmen talking. They were saying that . . . that Amano might be leaving our anime cult! They said he might not even be coming to the next anime convention! And with our cult's laws . . . so . . . so . . ." Yukari embraced her friend comfortingly. "Look, I know how you feel about him, Hitomi. You should tell him. You'll regret if you don't before our cult forbids us to communicate with him. I know you'll regret it . . ."

Hitomi said nothing, but her eyes shone with tears and a certain desperation.

***************

"Hitomi? Hitomi, your bath is ready! Hitomi?"

In a casual outfit that displayed nothing of her inner chaos, Hitomi sat in front of her desk, oblivious to everything but the cards which lay before her. 

"The Tower," she murmured. Thinking for a moment, she continued, "The Card of Falling. Oh, no . . ." She bowed her head sorrowfully. "Amano's going to drop out of our club . . . I won't be able to communicate with him any more . . ." Eyes brimming with tears, she raised her head once more, gazing upon the next card.

"The Ace of Serpents . . ." she said in a mixture of surprise and wonder. "The Card of Abnormal Creatures Appearing?" Her face darkened. "What the heck?" 

She leaped to her feet angrily. "What is up with this?" she shouted. "So far today, I've had nothing but horrible timing, horrible acting, lousy writing . . . When are they going to get the point?!?"

Unfortunately, her wall seemed quite unwilling to divulge any information. Sighing, Hitomi pulled out her DVD box sets of Ranma Nibun no Ichi, and, popping one into her DVD player, began to watch. 

***************

"I'm sorry I won't be able to act like a loser with no social life— I mean go to the next anime convention with you guys, but I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else to cosplay as Kiryuu Touga in time," apologized Amano, bowing politely.

"Oh, don't worry about that!" said one of the boys, who happened to be dressed much like Kaoru Miki at the moment, complete with blue hair.

"Yeah," echoed another decked out in full kendo garb. "We already found this guy named Allen to fill your part as Touga. He looks an awful lot like you, but he won't cooperate with us for some reason. Just keeps yelling for someone named Gaddes to 'prep the Crusade.'"

"I . . . see." Amano walked off dizzily, under the distinct impression that life was, once again, having fun playing tricks on him.

~*~

Amano, watched the sunset from his position on the track, smiling sadly. He knew he'd been right to leave that bin of loons. Still, they had been quite amusing for the past couple of years. Their almost organized insanity had added quite a bit of color to his routine. But . . . oh, well. He had been banished from the moment he had told the president of his decision. There was absolutely no way he could return now. Taking one final look at the setting sun, he turned to leave.

"Amano-senpai!"

He stopped and glanced over his shoulder. Hitomi was running toward him urgently. Skidding to a halt in her characteristic way right before him, she stood there for a moment, panting and breathless, before she straightened herself. 

"Senpai . . . I . . . I'd like to ask a favor of you," she said solemnly. She raised her pendant. "If I . . . If I can recite the episodes of Ranma Nibun no Ichi, seasons one and two, in the time it takes to swing this pendant thirteen times . . . If I can break the thirteen second barrier . . ." She blushed an almost drunken shade of crimson.

Amano made an encouraging questionlike sound.

Hitomi bowed very deeply. "I'd like you to give me my very first kiss!"

Silence reigned for several long moments as Amano looked contemplatively at the pendant, thoughts swirling though his head. They seemed to reach a conclusion, however, as he smiled slightly and took the pendant. Hitomi gasped and glanced up.

"Don't regret saying that," he said gently. 

Flushed and on the verge of tears, Hitomi bowed deeply again. "Arigatou gozaimasu!" 

~*~

Hitomi stumbled out of the stadium. Her eyes latched on Yukari immediately. Toppling into her friend's arms, she cried, "I did it, Yukari! I did it!"

"Did what?" inquired Yukari, heaving her friend to her feet.

"I talked to Amano like you suggested, and he agreed, and he'll test me in just a little bit!" she bubbled, giggling madly.

"You talked to . . ." Yukari frowned suddenly. "Hitomi, how late did you get to sleep last night?"

"Sleep? I couldn't. I had to watch all the episodes of Ranma to hear the subliminal messages."

"I . . .see." Yukari bit her lip uncertainly, looking off distractedly into the distance.

Hitomi finally noticed something. "What's wrong, Yukari?"

Yukari shook her head as if to rid her mind of some thought. Looking down at Hitomi, she smiled. "N-nothing, Hitomi. You go get ready. I'll be a moment."

Giving her friend a good push in the direction of the girl's locker rooms, Yukari walked off. Looking around quickly to make sure no one was following her, she ducked behind a tree and pulled out her stopwatch. Pushing a button, she muttered into it, "Yo, Van."

A three-dimensional hologram of a handsome young man popped up above the timing device. "That you, Yukari?" he said, his voice sounding as if it came from very far away.

"Yes. Look, Van, things aren't going according to plan."

"What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"Hitomi stayed up all last night trying to find some 'subliminal messages' in this one anime so she was really out of it today."

"Where does the problem begin?"

"She went along with that stupid plan I suggested!"

"Oh, no . . ." Cursing a couple times, the prince asked defeatedly, "So what do we do now?"

"We're going to have to break up her test. She's being given thirteen swings of that pendant of hers, so we'll have you come in on the . . . eighth swing. Just listen for the number. Don't try counting seconds. That pendant never keeps a regular beat so you might be late if you're not careful. Just remember. Your cue is eight. Eight, got it?"

"Yeah, I got it." He frowned. "Hey, Yukari, who are those guys in the bushes with the video cameras?"

Yukari whirled around. Sure enough, there were three men sitting there, ill-concealed, just four feet away. "You're not supposed to tape this!" she screamed, kicking the men in the chest and smashing the two video cameras underneath her feet. She glared at them.

"Oof." Wincing in pain, one of the men struggled to sit up. His arms deciding it was a lost cause, he simply laid on the ground and spoke to the sky. "Sorry, miss, but we were sent to tell you that you need to get in the stadium right now because Hitomi's about to start and we need you to turn on the lights."

"What? Oh, cats!" Yukari turned and ran all out into the stadium. "Hitomi," she muttered, "you're messing this all up."

*************** 

The sun had disappeared completely when Hitomi, now dressed in a makeshift Furinkan High School uniform, stepped into the first lane of the track. Breathing just a little bit more quickly and her heart racing, she looked up at Amano, who was standing less then five feet away from her.

His face hard with an indefinable emotion, he shouted, "Kanzaki! Are you ready?"

Almost in a stupor, Hitomi barked back, "Yes! Anytime you are!"

At that moment, the stadium lights flashed on. Startled, Hitomi looked over her shoulder at the lamp post to see Yukari standing there with her duffel, waving cheerily. "Yukari . . ." she murmured thankfully, her gratitude too deep for words. Turning around, determination etched on every line of her face, she faced Amano once again.

He stared at her impassively. _Now stay focused and remember all of the subliminal messages,_ he thought gently. "Ready!" he bellowed, lifting the fist which held the pendant.

"Remember," she whispered. 

"Go!" he cried, releasing the pendant. 

Yukari watched dumbly as Hitomi began to recite in record speed, spitting out episodes as if her life depended on it. _She'll make it_, she thought numbly, having great difficulty in accepting the fact. _She's going to make it. And if she does finish . . . Oh, please get here in time, Van! I don't want this to turn into a dumb shoujo anime! _

Amano counted distractedly, almost to himself. "Seven. Eight. Huh?"

Blue-white light suddenly streamed through the stadium, illuminating it far better than the stadium's lights had. It quickly formed a central pillar a couple feet in front of Hitomi. As they all watched, transfixed, in the space of a second a boy floated down through the light and landed lightly on his feet. In stasis for a moment, his eyes snapped open abruptly. They shifted from side to side as he talked to himself in an irritated, but slightly worried, tone, "Where's that dumb chick I'm supposed to run into?"

He backed up several feet rapidly, inadvertently running into Hitomi and knocking her down. "Ompf!" Whirling around, he noticed her lying on the ground and relaxed. "Oh, there you are," he muttered quietly. "Okay, got to do this right. Got to do this right." Raising his voice substantially, he snarled, "Who the heck are you?"

More than a little dazed, Hitomi replied intelligently, "Huh?"

He looked around for the first time, eyes darting suspiciously. "Where _am_ I?"

"Kanzaki!"

"Hitomi!"

Shouting, Amano and Yukari raced over to their fallen friend. Kneeling down next to her, Yukari asked urgently, "Are you okay, Hitomi?" She continued to stare blankly ahead. "Hitomi?"

"That guy . . ." 

Yukari started. 

"That's the guy the subliminal messages were talking about . . ." Hitomi said dizzily. 

Frowning, Amano turned to the boy. "Hey! Who the—"

The boy rounded on them suddenly and shouted, "Stupid plot-fillers, be gone!"

Amano backed up. Hitomi, however, finally stood and protested, "No, we're not plot-fillers!" Pausing for a moment, she continued, "Most of us, anyway." 

"Hitomi?" asked Yukari bewilderedly, but Hitomi simply plowed ahead. 

"Anyway, who the heck are you?"

"Van of Fanelia. Where am I?" He jerked suddenly.

"What?" asked Hitomi eagerly.

"Hitomi? You can understand what he's saying?" Yukari asked urgently. 

"Huh?" Hitomi replied, looking at her friend strangely.

"Then he's probably coming too . . ." Van murmured. They all reverted their attention back to the strange boy. He continued, ominously, "Get away from here, girl! An abnormal creature is coming!"

Hitomi gasped. "A serpent?"

He shrugged. "Enh, probably. These lousy authors keep getting less and less creative. Baka-tachi."

"Wait a minute! What—"

"Look at that light!" he shouted, pointing behind them. They all turned around. _Phew, close shave,_ he thought with relief. 

Amano, Yukari, and Hitomi backed up as the blue-white light again filled the stadium. "It's happening again . . ." said Amano pointedly, feeling it was safe to state the obvious. 

"What? Now what's coming?" Yukari babbled fearfully. She saw Hitomi suddenly jerk and place her hands over her mouth. "Hitomi?"

"I don't feel so good," she said faintly. "The way the authors have twisted the plotline is sickening."

The blue-white light slowly concentrated on one area. This time, however, the pillar it created gradually expanded into a sort of magical gateway. Two yellow eyes, which glowed like burning coals, slowly rose within it. With a ground-shaking thump, the creature the eyes belonged to extended its legs and walked through the portal. It surveyed them coldly for a moment. Dimly, Hitomi heard Amano ask "What the heck is that?" and heard Yukari call her name, but she couldn't bring herself to respond. She couldn't wrench her eyes from the sight of the monstrous creature, nearly as tall as the stadium they stood in, that she somehow instinctively knew was a dragon. She stood there, immobile, until Van's shout suddenly broke her trance.

"Over here!" The dragon turned its attention on Van. "You were fighting _me_, remember? What's the matter? You're hungry, aren't you? Come on and eat me!"

The dragon looked contemptuously at him for a moment, then the shiny sections of his chest began to glow. 

Van pulled out a bamboo umbrella in preparation and ducked behind it as the dragon suddenly spouted long tongues of flame in his direction. Tossing it aside after the blast ended – Hitomi thought she heard him say something like "Thanks, Ryouga-kun" – he pulled out a bamboo bokken, aimed it, and threw like a javelin. It went straight through the dragon's eye, causing teal blood to spurt out and blinding the creature completely to anything to the left of it. The dragon collapsed on its side.

Van smirked. "I guess the laws of anime— I mean physics do apply in this world." He stared at the fallen creature. "Is it de—oof!"

Van was literally swept off his feet by a swipe from a giant dragon tail. He rolled several times before he came to dead stop, where he laid quite still. Yukari screamed and hid her face. However, Van managed to push himself up with his arms. He then proceeded to throw up more than a little bit of blood. 

__

I don't care what Balgus says about their benefits in dragon slaying. Those blood packets are disgusting_,_ Van thought fervently. He looked up at the dragon, which had ceased trashing about pointlessly and was now eyeing the group of helpless teenagers. Fear gripped Van. "So it wounds its prey and finishes it off later . . ." He muttered angrily, then raised his voice and shouted at the huddling teenagers. "Get out of here, girl! Hurry! Get out of here!"

Hitomi started, then nodded. "Right! Amano-senpai, let's head for the mountains!" she shouted. Then she ran, dragging Yukari with her. Van meanwhile yelled a battle cry and unleashed an intimidating, but ultimately harmless, blow on the dragon's back.

~*~

"Hurry!" shouted Amano as they dashed out of the stadium. They were running as fast as they could when Yukari suddenly cried out and tripped.

"Yukari!" Hitomi shrieked, turning around. She kneeled quickly next to her friend, who was wincing and rubbing her ankle. Frowning, she asked, "Yukari, why are you wearing three-inch heels and knee pads?"

"No . . . reason," she gasped, in obvious pain. "Here, Hitomi. Take your duffel." 

Hitomi's frown deepened as she took it. "As for that matter, why do you have my duffel? I saw it earlier too."

"I thought . . . you'd want to . . . change out of that . . .costume afterwards," Yukari said slowly, with complete honesty. 

Hitomi looked down and realized she was still wearing her imitation of the Furinkan High School uniform. "Oh . . . thanks."

"Look, I appreciate all the sentiment," interrupted Amano, "but I think if we don't get moving we're going to become a dragon's dinner." (For once, he was actually right.) "Can you walk?" he asked Yukari.

"I . . . don't think so," Yukari wheezed.

"Grab onto my back," he commanded. Yukari did so, and he carefully stood up before turning to Hitomi. "Let's go."

"Right!"

~*~

The dragon was merely playing with him at the moment, and Van knew it. Still, he had to act as a diversion long enough for the innocent bystanders to get away. They were the dragon's real goal.

"Okay, twenty," Van counted. "Nineteen. Eighteen. Seventeen. Six— hey wait! You're not supposed to go after them for another fifteen seconds. Wait! Ah, shoot." He ran frantically after the beast as it bounded away. "You're not getting away from me!" he cried, latching onto it with an extended metal claw. The dragon didn't notice and he hung on for dear life as it continued to follow the scent of the teenagers.

~*~

Amano and Hitomi finally stopped in front of a shrine a good distance away from the stadium. Both of them panting heavily and Yukari looking quite ill, they paused to catch their breath. "I think we'll be safe up here," said Amano as soon as he could.

Life, however, seemed to have decided that once was more than enough times to be right in a day, and proceeded to prove Amano wrong by having the dragon leap maliciously into their view just moments after he finished speaking. Van came into view seconds later as he fell off the dragon.

"Hey, over here!" he shouted, directing the dragon's attention away from them.

"Kanzaki!" Amano cried, running up some stairs. After a moment's hesitation, Hitomi followed. 

Van meanwhile jumped to avoid another fire blast before launching a brutal attack at the creature's head. Unfortunately, the sword simply glanced off the dragon scales and Van was thrown to the side by a simple thrust. He staggered to his feet, glaring at his sword.

"'What's in name?'" he said sardonically. "'That which we call the Sword of Ultimate Power by any other name would be as weak.'" He groaned, shaking his head bitterly. "And to think I thought Balgus was joking . . . I knew I should have kept that bokken." He examined the dragon carefully, which was poised in preparation for his next attack.

Amano, Hitomi, and Yukari watched in amazement as Van began to mutter to himself incoherently. "I wonder if he's going to be okay . . ." said Amano worriedly.

Hitomi had a sudden sharp intake of breath.. She could see it perfectly, as real as if it were happening before her . . . The dragon poised for attack, Van not realizing the danger in time, the tail piercing straight through him and into the ground . . . She gasped. "He's going to die . . ." she said shakily. "He's going to die!" 

"Kanzaki?" Amano asked worriedly. She didn't seem to hear him. Instead of responding, she ran straight toward where Van was fighting the dragon, digging frantically in her duffel bag. "Kanzaki!"

The dragon's eyes narrowed as it realized the weakness in the warrior's defense. Taking the opportunity laid before it, it advanced rapidly. Van leaped back in defense.

"Look out! Above you!" As the shout tore through air, Van felt something whistle by his ear. Another thing hit him in the back of the head and knocked him forward . . . just before the dragon's tail lodged itself in the ground where he had been standing.

Ignoring the throbbing pain in his head, Van quickly seized the opening in the dragon's defense, and, launching himself over its back, slashed a long cut along its belly. Screaming in pain, the dragon yanked its tail out and reared back, only to have Van complete his gash down the rest of his body. Spurting unbelievable amounts of teal blood, it collapsed on its side and, as Hitomi and the rest of them watched in shock, it quickly died.

Chest heaving noticeably, Van stood still for several long moments. Then slowly, with great deliberation, he walked over to the dragon and made two neat incisions, one on top of the other. Reaching into the cut, he gently pulled out an oddly shaped red stone. As soon as it was removed, the dragon's body began to disintegrate, first into bones, then into dust, then into nothing. The blood still remained on Van's clothes, however.

"Uggh . . . why isn't it vanishing yet?" he muttered disgustedly. "I've got the energist. Oh right." He shed his dragon armor, and watched as it disintegrated into nothingness. Turning, he thought distractedly, "Okay, now that that is taken care of, how am I supposed to get . . ." He stopped as he saw the contorted expression on Hitomi's face. "Um . . . girl, are you okay?"

She didn't bother to hide the contempt in her voice as she replied scathingly in a cold voice, "I'm not so bad off I need a mysterious stranger to worry for me. After all, _you_ would have died if hadn't thrown Yukari's shoes to warn you and to hit the dragon in its right eye. _You_ owe _me_ for blinding the dragon and saving you."

Van's face contorted furiously. "I owe you no such thing!" he exploded.

__

Slap! The sound of Hitomi's hand hitting Van's cheek resounded through the clearing. "Without even giving your name properly," she said furiously, speaking very quickly, all her former reserve gone, "you waltz in here, drag a dragon with you, and almost get yourself killed! You _really_ scared me! The least you owe me is a 'thanks' and an apology!"

Van simply stood and blinked in astonishment. When was the last time someone had talked to him like this? Seeing he wasn't about to say anything, Hitomi plowed ruthlessly ahead.

"I knew it!" she screamed, babbling hysterically. "I shouldn't have saved you! I should have let that stupid dragon eat you!" Seemingly out of words, she put her hands over her face and began crying hysterically.

Van's face softened. He seemed on the verge of saying something when the object in his hand began to glow. Pulling it in front of his face quickly, he breathed bewilderedly , "The energist . . . it's . . ."

A circle of blue light slowly began to brighten around Van and Hitomi. Without warning, it burst forth into a pillar that stretched towards the heavens. As Amano and Yukari watched helplessly, Van and Hitomi began floating slowly upward. Snapping back to reality suddenly, Amano ran toward the pillar, hand extended.

"Kanzaki! _Kanzaki_!"

"Amano-senpai!" Hitomi cried desperately. Cupping her hands around her mouth, she shouted, "_Throw the pendant_!"

"Wha . . ." Completely startled, Amano stood dumbly with his hand still in the air. Luckily, he chanced to still be holding the pendant in that hand so the mysterious light lifted it up with Hitomi and Van before it dissolved itself into the heavens.

Staring up at an empty sea of stars, Amano made one of his usual stunning observations. "They _disappeared_ . . ." 

Hobbling over, Yukari looked up to see no more than Amano could. "Hitomi?" she asked faintly. There was no response. Crumbling, she screamed, "_Hitomi_!"

***************

An unexplainable beam of light emerged from nowhere, and deposited a boy and a girl in an unknown wilderness prior to dissolving back into the dimension from which it had come. The boy rose quickly, glancing about suspiciously before looking at the night sky with true happiness etched on his face. "I made it . . ." he said softly.

The girl stirred slowly, then sat up abruptly. Gazing at the land around her, she whispered, "What did you . . ." Her gaze fell upon the heavens' celestial bodies. Both the moon and the Earth could be seen, side by side, in the star-filled sky. "The _Earth_? How come I can see the Earth?" She paused. "We're on your home planet, aren't we?"

"We're near the village of Arzas," he supplied willingly. 

"Arzas?" Hitomi gasped. Suddenly, there were creatures with glowing eyes completely surrounding them. She ducked behind Van as he held out his sword threateningly.

***************

The Card of Falling and of Abnormal Creatures Appearing . . . Now she finally understood what they really meant. She could see the Earth and the moon in the sky of this strange world, Gaea. That's the name of this place.

~*~*~*~

Authors' Notes -- Kari: ~*^_^*~ and KyonKyon: /'^_^'\

~*^_^*~: I think we actually did a pretty good job.

/'^_^'\ : Of what?

~*^_^*~ : Umm . . .messing up the whole plotline and mocking Fox?

/'^_^'\: True, true. But at least they still got to Gaea. Even though it took over four webpages!

~*^_^*~: Hey, you're the one who made the stupid outline so long!

/'^_^'\: Well, you're the one who bought the entire DVD set.

~*^_^*~: You're the one who showed it to me on Fox and got me addicted!

/'^_^'\: Grr . . . You're making too much sense.

~*^_^*~: Muh ha ha ha! I win!

/'^_^'\: "There are other wars to fight." *Rides off into sunset with Dragonslayers*

~*^_^*~: Who's addicted? (Double no-life points if you understand the reference.)

/'^_^'\: So what was this space for, anyway?

~*^_^*~: Umm . . . well, actually, we were supposed to explain some of the Japanese terms or 

apologize to the authors or something like that. Oh, and say we're prepared to accept 

comments and criticism.

/'^_^'\: Hmm . . . first off, if you don't know the Japanese terms, gomennasai. Secondly, if you 

don't get the references, just remember it's the curse of the Mystic Moon.

~*^_^*~: It's Zaibach, you baka!

/'^_^'\: Whatever. And finally, if you think that (since we haven't apologized to the authors) 

you should get lawyers to sue us, please take into consideration that this has been posted on 

a substandard website. Just how much money do you think we have, anyway?!?

~*^_^*~: Oh, well. Until next time, peace out and power to the people!

/'^_^'\: And remember ~ Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.


	2. The Girl from the Mystic Moon

-------------------------------------------------------

The Girl from the Mystic Moon: The Remix

A fanfiction written by Kari and KyonKyon

-------------------------------------------------------

Was it all just a dream? Or maybe a mass hallucination? No . . . it was real . . . 

***************

Kanzaki Hitomi tried desperately to regain her bearings. _Okay,_ she thought frantically, _let's have a recap. Hmm . . . I heard that that idiot Amano was leaving our anime cult – Yes! Finally! – then I stayed up all night listening to subliminal messages in some anime or another –Weird . . . – and then I asked a "favor" of Amano – What the heck was I on?!? – and then this weird boy showed up in the middle of my recitation – THANK GOODNESS! – but then I saw him get killed and somehow I stopped it – huh? – and then, to top it all off, I find out he's a jerk too and I get transported to his world – not good. On the other hand, I don't have to face my idiocy concerning Amano or go to that convention with him. Hmm . . . guess there's a silver lining to everything._ Okay, back to the present.

They were completely surrounded by a type of creature Hitomi supposed must be native to the boy's home planet, whatever it was called. They seemed to be a sort of cross between wolves and humans, though it was too dark for her to be sure. One thing was certain, though. They were not looking at the boy and her in a very friendly manner. 

The boy's eyes darted around worriedly. "The glowing eyes have encircled us like a wreath of stars in the night," he muttered under his breath.

Hitomi looked over at him incredulously. "_What_ did you just say?" 

Van frowned. "As one attentive may recall, I said 'The glowing eyes have encircled us like a wreath of stars in the night,'" he repeated, clearly enunciating each syllable.

Hitomi bristled at his patronizing tone. "I heard what you said," she snapped irritably. "My question is what's the problem with just saying 'we're surrounded'?" she asked, her voice a mixture of exasperation and disbelief. "Who do you think you are? The king of whatever planet this is?"

"Well, actually—"

"Greetings upon your return, Van Fanel," interrupted Ruhm, stepping forward from the pack. 

***************

"You-you've been to the Mystic Moon?" inquired Ruhm incredulously as the trio rode on top of a yak-mammoth. He glanced back at Hitomi. "So that girl there is—"

"Yeah, she's one of the people who live there," Van answered in a friendly tone. "I was kinda doing a favor for Yu—I mean , I was venturing forth on my noble quest of Dragonslaying, when without preamble I was transported by a mysterious pillar of light, of which I know not the source, to the very place of which you speak. After the noble beast of legend was properly slain, I was transported back in a similar manner, but by some whim of fate I was unluckily burdened with some extra luggage."

"Excuse me," Hitomi said softly in a dangerous voice, clenching her teeth in an effort to not scream at his pretentious speech, "but what do you mean by 'extra luggage'?"

"I mean that which was not intended to return with me from the Mystic Moon," he answered calmly.

"Oh, and here I thought you were talking about—" She froze suddenly, as images entered her mind. A burning city . . . the sunlight glinting on metal claws . . . rows of soldiers being cut down by an invisible hand . . .

"What?" inquired Van.

Hitomi stared blankly out into space. "Ne-nevermind," she said slowly.

***************

After one very awkward night, during which Hitomi tried vainly to sleep, the yak-mammoth finally came to a stop at the top of a rise. In the valley beneath them was a majestic, though quaint, little city protected by thick walls, windmills blowing gently in the breeze in front of them and the very atmosphere of the area radiating a sense of tranquillity.

"Below us is Fanelia, little lady," Ruhm said reverently.

Hitomi leaned forward in her seat and stared for several long moments, trying to take the incredible sight in. As her sleep-deprived senses slowly awakened, however, her face took on an incredulous look, and, in a slightly slurred voice, she commented, "Awfully poor excuse for a kingdom, don't you think? I mean, come on, only_ one_ city? Man, I feel sorry for the monarchy."

"Um, excuse me," Van began testily.

"And just look at the primitive living conditions and the poor education system!" she babbled incoherently. "Absolutely horrific!" 

"How can you tell it has a poor education system just by looking at it?" Ruhm queried curiously.

She clumsily jerked her thumb back at Van. "I've been sitting next to _him_ for hours."

"True," agreed Ruhm.

Van fumed quietly.

***************

"Prince Van's back!"

The cry echoed down the halls of the factory, resounding off the walls and being closely followed by the frantic footsteps of the young boy. Skidding to a halt, he nearly flew over the balcony as he shouted to the busy peasants working feverishly below, "Prince Van's back!" 

Fear in their eyes, all of the workers looked up from their work on the aerosol cans to stare at the boy. Even the foreman was speechless. 

"What do you mean he's back already?" he barked roughly, but uncertainty was in his voice. "He can't have returned yet!"

The boy shook his head furiously. "No, he's back! They're about to open the gates for him right now!"

The foreman swore colorfully. Turning to the workers, who were now all looking to him for direction, he forcefully bellowed, "Quickly, hide the cans in the warehouse! I want you all out there to welcome him immediately! He cannot suspect anything!" Seeing they were all still staring blankly at him, he roared, spit flying from his mouth, "Go! _Now_!"

The peasants promptly dropped their tools and ran. As they rapidly exited the building by any means possible, the boy leaned lazily over the railing and called down to the foreman, "Hey, what's the prince got against hair spray, anyway?"

The foreman smirked. "Small accident when he was a kid."

***************

"Open the gates!"

As the giant doors, creaking slightly, opened before them, Hitomi could only look on with sleepy wonder as the city's interior came into view. However primitive it had looked from the outside, it was in fact quite picturesque when one was standing, or sitting on top of a yak-mammoth, inside it. All of the buildings were in perfectly ordered rows around a building she supposed must be the palace, which itself was framed by several majestic trees and a striking blue roof. Meeting her nose in a delightful medley was the fragrant scent of freshly baked bread and another that she couldn't quite place, but somehow reminded her of the boy next to her. Not to mention that it seemed that the entire population of the city had appeared to greet them, though some seemed more than a bit out of breath when they arrived. Noticing this, Hitomi frowned.

"Say, Van," she whispered, "why do those men look so exhausted?"

Jolting a little in surprise, he looked over at her, clearly not having heard a word she'd said. "Pardon?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Nevermind. I'll just tell the king he needs to build better roads."

"Um, you probably should know—"

"Look, _you_ 'probably should' get down there. Those people look like they're waiting for you to say something," she said, yawning widely. "Oh, and _try_ not to make it too elaborate."

"But—"

"Just get down there!" With that, she pushed him off the yak-mammoth.

To her great disappointment, he managed to land easily on his feet. It seemed almost pointless, however, as he was bowled over the next second by an orange blur.

"Van-samaaaaaaaaa!"

"Merle!" There was a loud thump as both bodies hit the gravel. Hitomi winced a little in sympathy as Van gingerly stood up and brushed himself off. "Merle . . ." he groaned, rubbing his head. "I thought I told you not to do that anymore."

The cat-girl seemed completely oblivious to his discomfort, however. "Van-sama!" she cried, throwing her arms around his neck. He braced himself for the impact this time and managed not to fall over again. Seemingly uncaring, she continued jubilantly, "I'm so glad you made it back safely, Van-sama! I was worried to death about you!"

Van regarded her flatly. "You thought I was going to die too, right?"

"Um . . ." For the first time the cat-girl seemed slightly uncomfortable, sweating a little before tightening her hug around him. "It's just that I'm so happy to see you!" she shouted cheerfully. She then proceeded to lick his face eagerly.

Hitomi watched in amusement as the boy tried vainly to stop the cat-girl's display of affection. He _had_ had it coming, after all. Her face soon darkened, however. "First wolfmen and now a little cat-girl . . ." she murmured. She looked up at the sky. "This can't be the Universe of the Four Gods, or Cephiro, or the Sengoku-Jidai Era so where—"

"Lord Van?" A single voice called out, hesitantly.

"Lord Van." A chorus of voices this time, all originating from a group of four men who abruptly emerged from the crowd, standing in front of it and gazing steadily upon the flustered young boy, who was still attempting to detach Merle from his torso. Finally managing to after a particularly rough shove, he straightened up and faced the men.

The foremost one, who had a heavily scarred face, looked at him with something akin to admiration. "Lord Van . . ."

Van nodded and raised his hand above his head. "I, Van Fanel, having fulfilled the sacred Rite of Dragonslaying, have returned triumphant with a Drag-energist," he said formally, meeting the scarred man's eyes.

The other men gasped. "That's the real thing all right . . ."

"A Drag-energist!"

They all knelt and began to bow.

"You mean this thing Van pulled out of the dragon?" inquired Hitomi, who had gotten off the yak-mammoth with Ruhm's help. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out the curved red stone. "That's what it's called? A Drag . . . energist?" She noticed the odd looks the four men and Van were giving her. "What?"

Van strode over to her and considered the object she was holding. "This is in truth the Drag-energist I removed, so what now am I holding?" he muttered to himself, examining the contents of his own hand. "It appears to be of similar make, but . . ." He froze as all of the crystal rose's petals suddenly fell off at his touch.

~*~

In a parallel magical world, a strangled cry rang out. "No! Beeeeeeeeeast! I love you!"

~*~

Van and Hitomi watched in amazement as the mysterious article simply melted into thin air without so much as a shimmer. Van was the first to recover from the shock. "I see it's no longer a concern," he stated confidently, though his face held a peculiar expression.

"I guess . . ." said Hitomi uncertainly. Realizing she was still holding the Drag-energist, she thrust out it to him. "Uh, here. The Drag-energist."

"Huh? Oh, yes . . . yes." He took the proffered object and resumed his stance in front of the heartily embarrassed generals. "Shall we?"

Snapped abruptly out of their horror, they hastily bowed, and the foremost one powerfully proclaimed, "We four brigadier generals of the samurai of Fanelia verify this to be true, Prince Van."

The prince smiled broadly at this announcement. "Thanks, everyone."

Hitomi, however, simply stood there, completely frozen in shock. _Whoa . . . _he's_ a prince? _she thought numbly. Glancing over at the still-fallen Merle, she muttered, "Well, he _does_ have his own personal menagerie . . ."

***************

The crimson guymelef with its skull crest stood out in stark contrast against the common green guymelefs as was guided to its position by another soldier on the ground. Upon reaching it, the guymelef's face mask popped up, revealing the general Luvan from earlier. He inhaled deeply. "Mmm . . . I _love_ that smell! Guymelefs are the greatest!"

"Um, sir," the ground soldier ventured hesitantly, "don't you think we should clean out the guymelef before this evening? There haven't been any wars lately so it's just been standing unused in the warehouse for almost a decade. We could at least get rid of some of the mold and rats."

"Nonsense! Heh heh . . . A little mold never killed anything except my sense of taste and I already put rat poison in here so that will take care of the rats!" His eyes became slightly glazed. "Yes, it will take _very _good care of the rats. Heh heh . . . yes . . . heh . . . the _rats_ . . . heh heh . . ."

"Um . . . sir?"

"Yes, soldier?"

"Are you certain that the fumes from the poison and the mold aren't impairing your judgment?"

"Nonsense! Heh heh heh . . . If you kids can get high all the time on all that junk and not have it affect your performance then I'm not going to keel over from just a little mold. Heh heh . . . mold . . . heh . . ."

"But, sir . . . you're not a kid anymore."

"Nonsense! Heh heh heh heh heeeeeeeeh . . . kid . . . heh . . ."

***************

Hitomi rifled quickly through her bag. Clearly, Yukari had had some odd ideas about what she would want to change into after her "challenge" with Amano was done. Among the usual toiletries of her duffel bag and Yukari's kneepads from the previous night were her school uniform, a jogging outfit, and her Arisuwaga Juri wig and costume.

"I can't believe she'd think I'd want to wear that home," Hitomi muttered under her breath. Sometimes, she just plain didn't understand Yukari.

Her only choice clear, she switched her Furikan High School uniform for her real one, thinking it ironic that she would be forced to follow the tradition of all magical girls transported to strange lands. Briefly, she wondered if it was around now that the undoubtedly handsome mysterious stranger from her dream would appear, but she quickly dismissed the thought as just a wee bit too weird. Besides, thinking of her dream made her realize, for about the hundredth time that day, how incredibly tired she was. She hadn't slept in what . . . almost two days by her count, except for a couple hours of rest on the yak-mammoth, which, in her opinion, didn't count as rest at all. Yawning, she opened the window and made a pillow out of her arms on the windowsill. _What am I doing here?_ she thought idly, as she rested her head on her arms.

~*~

"Hitomi!"

"Huh?" Hitomi opened her eyes blearily for a moment before closing them again. "Who are you?"

"Hitomi, it's me!"

"Wha . . ." Hitomi slowly opened her eyes completely. She was lying in an endless pool of slightly glowing white which radiated a sense of nostalgia. Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she mumbled, "Who's me?"

"Who do think?" the voice demanded jokingly.

There was no mistaking that tone. "Yukari?" Hitomi asked, blinking rapidly, though she felt wide awake now.

The redhead materialized in front of her. "You bet, kid," she chirped, winking cheekily.

Hitomi simply stared. "But why are you . . ."

Yukari's expression sobered. "Look, Hitomi, something important has come up."

Hitomi sat very still, rigid with fear. "What is it, Yukari?"

"It's . . ." She trailed off uncertainly.

"What?" Hitomi's heart was racing now.

"It's . . . it's . . ."

"What? What is it, Yukari? Tell me!" she shrieked hysterically.

Yukari burst into tears. "Keiko's boyfriend dumped her!"

Hitomi simply stared. "What?"

"I know!" sobbed Yukari. "She's totally depressed now and it's all that jerk's fault!" She look up at Hitomi. "But she's still totally fallen for him! She wants you to do a tarot reading for him! Please, Hitomi! It's the only way we can get her to forget him!"

Hitomi almost fell over, would have were she not hindered by the fact that she was sitting sprawled across the ground and not standing. Nonetheless, she leapt to her feet, fully ready to berate Yukari for getting her worked up over something so pointless, when something tugged at the edges of her memory. She stopped mid-cry, suddenly confused. "Wait . . . Didn't we have this conversation already?"

Yukari's tears stopped immediately. Rolling her eyes, she said thoughtfully, "Hmm . . . maybe that's why this is called a _flashback_." She sighed dramatically. "Sometimes, I just don't know why I put up with you, Hitomi. You can be _so_ slow."

Hitomi flushed. "Hey, it's not like there were cherry blossoms or anything!" she snapped defensively. "Besides, who are you to talk? You're the one messing up this flashback!"

"But you're memory's so boring!" Yukari whined. "This story has to pick up sometime!"

"You're _not_ helping," she said very flatly.

Yukari grinned at her friend's grouchiness. "Well," she said lightly, "_Someone_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Hitomi gave her a half-lidded glare that was supposed to look menacing, but came out only looking sleepy. In a dangerously reasonable voice, she commented, "Hmm . . . Pardon my asking, but could you tell me _how_ I could have 'woken up on the wrong side of the bed' when to my last reckoning I haven't slept for _two days_?!?" The last part was screamed hysterically.

Yukari didn't look remotely disturbed, however. After her friend had calmed down a bit and was breathing normally, she asked pointedly, "Pardon me if I'm wrong, but aren't you sleeping now?"

"Only if this is really a flashback and not a hallucination," she moaned.

Yukari sighed. "Fine . . . I was planning on staying longer, but . . . have it your way." She faded away into the white.

Dumbfounded, Hitomi stared at where her friend had been standing but moments before. "But—I didn't—I mean—wait—" she stammered, trying to undo the damage she had done, but Yukari did not reappear. Beaten, she sank slowly to her knees. "Great," she muttered. "Just great." She looked around and scowled. "_Now_ how am I supposed to get back?" she asked furiously of the featureless world, easily ignoring the fact that it was as inanimate and as unlikely to respond as her wall from the previous night.

Defying all logic, however, her outcry did produce a response of sorts. There was a slight _pop!_ and Yukari materialized again in front of her, smiling cheerily. But this time, her redheaded friend was wearing an ostentatious pink dress with several lace petticoats, an enormous white bow tied around the waist, and matching frilly white gloves adorned by pink ribbons. To top it all off, she had also apparently donned pink ribboned Mary Jane's and an ridiculous pink hat.

"I almost forgot!" she giggled, twirling a pink staff that appeared to end in a bird's head. She pivoted abruptly on one foot and tossed the strange object in air, chanting some arcane tongue as she did so. Instantly, the void they were standing in blushed with the whirlwind of thousands of cherry blossoms swirling through the air. Yukari giggled, and caught the staff again. Not noticing the aghast look on Hitomi's face, she simply winked and chirped, "See? Now it's a real flashback, complete with cherry blossoms!"

Hitomi simply stared at the fluffy pink costume. "It _so _better be a hallucination," she muttered as she finally faded away.

***************

Groggily, Hitomi shook herself awake. Still slightly sleepy, she glanced down at her watch. She had slept a bare ten minutes. Groaning, she held her head in her hands. "If all my dreams here are going to contain that many weird parodies," she said to herself, trying to stifle a yawn, "maybe it's better if I don't sleep." Her mouth, however, opened wide despite her efforts. "Then again," she mumbled, laying her head back down on her arms, "I could always make them into doujinshi . . ."

Her thoughts were scattered by the sudden presence of a shadow in her personal sunbeam. Looking up, she noticed the possessive cat-girl from earlier hanging upside down in her window. What was her name again? Ah, yes. Merle. Tired as she was, Hitomi could only watch her with a sort of sleepy preoccupation. "Did you already escape from the zoo again?"

Merle leapt down gracefully onto the windowsill and haughtily licked herself clean before raising her eyebrows at Hitomi. "I am intrigued. What is this 'zoo' you speak of?"

"Uggh . . . too weird for a zoo." Moaning, Hitomi collapsed on the windowsill, the cold of the wood against her cheek restoring some of her senses. "So, anyway, where do you stay normally?"

The cat-girl stuck up her nose. "_I_ live here in the royal palace."

Hitomi tried to feign interest. "Really? Since when?"

Merle sniffed disdainfully. "Since I can remember."

"But how did you come to be here?"

"Well, it's a long story actually . . ."

~*~

Forty-two point zero seconds later . . .

~*~

Hitomi sniffed and had to prevent tears from spilling over. "That's so sad," she cried.

Merle sniffed too, sorrowfully this time. "I know. Believe me, I know! But no one will listen!" The two girls began positively bawling and leaned against each other for emotional support.

Finally recovering after several long moments, Hitomi wiped her eyes and smiled. "So, Merle, why are you here?"

Merle looked up, startled. "Huh? Why am I . . . here?" she said slowly. "I . . . oh, yeah!" Suddenly all traces of distress on her face vanished and were replaced by open hostility as she scowled fiercely. "Stay away from Van-sama!" she screeched, her tail bristling to twice its normal size.

Hitomi glared at her indignantly as she hopped down onto the floor. "I wouldn't think I'm the one with the problem . . ." she muttered under her breath, settling herself back on the windowsill. She was about to close her eyes when she noticed Merle approaching her duffel bag, claws already extended. "Hey!" she shouted, leaping to her feet at once.

Paying her no heed, Merle dug through her bag, giggling mischievously. "You sure have a lot of junk!" she shrieked, throwing various items over her shoulder, most of which were generally aimed at Hitomi. She paused suddenly, and whirled to face Hitomi as a thought struck her. "Just how long are you planning on staying anyway?" she demanded angrily.

Her current one and a half minute good nature time limit now up, Hitomi rapidly grew very annoyed. "I suppose it would seem like a lot," she said irritably, "to people who wear the same outfit everyday."

The cat-girl, however, paid her no attention, focused instead upon the pendant in her hand. With no warning except an sly smile, she snatched it from her grasp.

"Ah!" cried Hitomi, rubbing her hand. That had _hurt_. She'd have chain burn for days.

"That's a pretty stone," Merle whispered, almost in a trance as she watched it swing back and forth.

"I suppose it's better than a nail file," Hitomi muttered under her breath. 

The cat-girl grinned impishly. "I think I'll keep it!" she cried, throwing open Hitomi's door and darting down the hallway. 

"Hey!" cried Hitomi, suddenly snapping awake. "Come back here!" she yelled, dashing after her. A giggle from further down the hallway was her only reply. Enraged, Hitomi ran faster. "You little cat burglar!" she cursed loudly, turning the corner. Merle was just in view. Picking up her speed still more and feeling the adrenaline coursing through her system, she screamed, "I'll teach you not to mess with the Chestnut Fist!"

Merle skidded to an abrupt halt. "The _what_?" she asked incredulously. 

"_Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken_!" 

As the scream rang down the hallway, Merle rapidly collapsed under the impact of over a thousand punches in five seconds. Stunned and more than a bit dazed, she then proceeded to faint without much dignity. 

Hitomi massaged her hands as she walked over to the fallen cat-girl, wincing slightly but smiling victoriously nonetheless. She smirked as she retrieved the pendant from the now slack clawed hands. "I guess you know now not to mess with a grandmaster of the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu," she whispered smugly. She turned to leave. "Anything Goes, eh? Useful sometimes . . ." 

She stumbled suddenly, jerking slightly and eyes going wide in surprise, as a wave of exhaustion swept over her. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, she felt more tired than ever. Yawning, she leaned against a nearby doorway, trying to summon the will to walk back to her room.

The familiar scrape of a sword being unsheathed drew her instantly back to the present. All her senses on alert, she peered cautiously around the doorway.

The scarred general from earlier and Van were facing each other at opposite ends of the room. As she watched, the general drew his sword in front of him and Van tensed slightly in anticipation, preparing himself for an attack. Silence reigned supreme, thick in the high-tension atmosphere. Just when Hitomi was about to give out from the stress, Van unleashed a battle cry and charged, employing a lunge clearly intended to be fatal. The general, however, was unmoved, and smoothly blocked it. The two men struggled against each other, growling as each tried to overpower the other, for a few moments before the sensei easily forced his pupil stumbling back. Slightly menacing, he advanced on the young prince.

"You're not charging aggressively enough, Lord Van!" he scolded, flexing his arms. "Come at me like you mean to kill me!"

The prince straightened, but refused to meet the general's eyes. "I just don't like Mortal . . . Kombat." He scowled. "It was such a crummy game!"

"Stop, Lord Van!" reproved Balgus frantically. "You know such technologies are illegal here!" 

"That would explain the subnormal intelligence," Van grumbled.

"Oh, like that explains it all . . ." Balgus muttered under his breath.

"What?" Van asked, puzzled.

Realizing his slip of tongue, Balgus hastily continued his lecture, "Lord Van, it is a poor thing for a man who is about to become king of Fanelia to hold such a weakness for animated violence!"

Van insolently looked at the floor. "It's not like I'm becoming king because I _want_ to." He glared at Balgus. "It's just so I can place a restraining order on Merle."

"I understand your sentiment, but she is your sister," replied Balgus forcefully.

"What? Was my mother secretly a cat-woman as well as a—"

"Lord Van!" Balgus interrupted loudly. "We have a guest."

Startled, Hitomi glanced around her. No one else was there. Remembering her manners, she hastily bowed before the two men. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to snoop," she murmured softly.

Van looked relieved. "Oh, it's you."

Hitomi glared at him. "Who did you think it would be? Miss 'I-desperately-need-a-restraining-order' Merle?"

Van seemed slightly uncomfortable. "Well, yeah," he answered cynically, some of his former imperial reserve returning.

Hitomi grinned vindictively. "Let's just say I've placed a temporary restraining order of my own on her."

"Um . . ."

"I've heard what happened," said Balgus, coming between the two teens. "It would seem that Lord Van owes you his life." Smiling warmly at Hitomi, he continued, "After the coronation ceremony, we will do all in our power to find a way to return you to the Mystic Moon." 

Hitomi staggered back as though she had been slapped. "But—but I don't want to go back!" she stammered. "If I go back, I'll have to face that airhead Amano and Yukari and all that stuff I did while brainwashed and sleep-deprived!" She appeared ready to cry.

"The samurai of Fanelia can help you with that task as well," Balgus answered calmly.

Eyes brimming with tears, Hitomi sighed in relief. "Thanks."

**************

"Halt!" cried Ruhm suddenly.

Startled, the caravan of wolfmen stopped and looked up at him. Ruhm sniffed the air curiously. 

"Weird . . ." he murmured. "Something smells funny, but I don't see anything."

"You're sure it's not just the absence of the hair spray fumes since we left Fanelia?" called a wolfman from below.

Ruhm grimaced. "You're right. I forgot how much that place reeks of the stuff. Carry on." Without any further speculation, the creatures of the caravan began moving and continued their march back to the tribe lands.

None of them noticed the periscope that appeared out of thin air to watch them.

***************

"Oh! I wanted to see Van-sama all dressed up . . ." whined Merle as she stood in the crowd of commoners.

~*~

Meanwhile, Van was hoping desperately that his coronation helmet wouldn't fall off during the Rite of Accession. _Lousy Merle,_ he thought angrily, remembering her "present" from before the ceremony. Because of it, he had "carelessly forgot" to let her in with the other high-ranking nobles. _Please_, _don't let my helmet fall off. Please don't them see my hair, _he prayed. _Please, oh please, don't let them notice . . ._

"Your Majesty?" 

Panicky, Van stuttered, "Y-yes?"

The priest frowned. "You may want to stand and take the sword now."

Van reddened. "Of, c-course," he muttered, embarrassed. He stood and took the proffered weapon as the priest shook his head disapprovingly. Trying and failing to think of anything to say to rectify the awkward situation, Van settled for mental cursing.

__

Lousy Merle, he thought vehemently.

~*~

Far removed from the ceremony, a couple of guards were conversing as they guarded the city gates.

"Dude!" the one exclaimed.

"Dude . . ." the other replied in agreement.

They were silent for a few brief moments, enjoying the bird's-eye view of the surrounding valley.

"Dude!" the first solider exclaimed again.

"Dude . . ." replied the other.

More silence followed their statements. Finally, after great deliberation, the first one asked, "Dude . . . you going to that party tonight?"

The other one laughed. "Dude, you know I am! Gonna talk to that sweet lady hair spray!" 

"Sweet." He looked out over the valley, squinting in the bright light of the setting sun. Suddenly, he frowned. "Dude, what are those wavy things out there?" He pointed to the end of the road, where the air was shimmering oddly.

The other one stumbled clumsily over to the edge and looked. Then with a massive effort of will, he cuffed his fellow soldier on the head. "You idiot! That's just the left over fumes from the hair spray we were, uh . . . _using_ . . . heh heh." He stumbled back into his former stance against the pillar. "It's all good, right, dude?"

"Dude . . ." agreed the soldier.

They were unable to argue a moment later when the liquid metal shot through them and shattered the gates.

~*~

"What's going on down there?" wondered a man sitting on the ledge. Around him the townspeople murmured.

"I see smoke . . ."

"Is it a fire?"

"Oh no! The hair spray factory!"

"Enemy attack! It's an attack!" cried the cavalryman as his horse leaped up the steps. He looked around at the frightened citizens. "Get all the women, children, and hair spray cans to the mountains! All you men prepare for battle!" he barked. "Clear the road!" He galloped further down the path. 

There was silence for precisely three seconds before pandemonium broke out. Men rushed to find glaives and halberds to use in defense. Mothers scurried down the streets screaming frantically for their children and hair spray. The frightened little children hastily finished picking their noses and fled, squealing.

~*~

"An invisible enemy?" repeated Balgus incredulously. The breathless soldier nodded.

"Balgus?" The three other generals gathered around him.

Shaking his head to clear it of all frivolous thoughts, he immediately bellowed, "Hold them off with your melefs!" He looked down at his three generals, and frowned at their slight tipsiness. "Luva. Asona. Yurizen. I'm counting on you."

"Yessir!" They departed at once.

Van stepped forward. "What task am I to perform in this heartless and unjustified skirmish?"

Balgus turned to face him. "Take your guest, the Lady Hitomi, to the shrine."

Van looked at him in confusion. "Do you wish for us to pray for protection in the graveyard?"

Balgus rolled his one visible eye. "The _other_ shrine." He breathed deeply and shook his head. Sobering, he instructed, "Should it prove necessary, take Escaflowne and flee." 

"Escaflowne?" murmured Van uncertainly.

~*~

"Van-sama!" cried Merle as she struggled against the crowd, trying to force her way back. "Van-sama! I'll stay with you and fight!" 

Her efforts proved fruitless, however, as the swarm of runny-nosed kids continued to press against her, pushing her further and further away from the palace. In a last desperate attempt, she leaped ferociously above them, planning to cling onto a wall and continue from there. Unfortunately, by some extraordinary stroke of ill luck, a stray aerosol can went flying through the air at that moment and hit her in the forehead, knocking her out. Landing on the children's heads, she was carried unconscious away from Fanelia.

~*~

Hitomi surveyed the three-tiered room they were in with a critical eye. It contained no decoration except a Mayan-like mural on the far wall and an ornately decorated circle in the middle of the lowest tier. The only furnishings were what looked like three coffins on the opposite end. Most strangely of all, its entrance doors were shaped vaguely like a yak-mammoth and it had a rock suspended by thin ropes from the ceiling. Hitomi fervently hoped they were stronger than they looked. 

As she watched, Van stepped into the middle of the circle and drew his sword partially out of its sheath. She barely had time to wonder what he was doing or why his haircontained hundreds of braids tied neatly with gold ribbons, before he sliced his thumb on its edge. Pressing the freely flowing blood against the energist, he closed his eyes and calmly raised the object above him. It glowed softly and he spoke.

"I, Van Fanel, newly crowned king of Fanelia, bind myself by eternal blood pact to thee, Escaflowne! Thou noble sleeping dragon, awake!"

Immediately, the silver blades of the circle began to revolve, creating an violent updraft. Blue dragons of light appeared at its foot and began soaring up the wind tunnel, cracking the mysterious rock above them. As enormous pieces fell off and were completely obliterated, Hitomi could make out signs of something silver contained within the structure. A few moments later the phenomenon ended and its product fell gracefully to the floor. Hitomi gasped.

"That's . . . That's what I saw in my dream!" she stammered. She glanced about nervously. "So where's the black guy he's going to fight?"

Her attention, however, was drawn back to Van, who had leaped upon the guymelef's knee. With a intricate wave of his arms, he placed the energist in the waiting red jewel. Instantly, the jewel glowed and slowly began beating in a way disturbingly like a human heart.

Van smiled grimly. "Good." The guymelef's chestal cavity began opening, and he removed his sword.

Snapping suddenly back to her senses, Hitomi ran down to him. "Wait! What're you going to do?"

Van placed his sword inside the cockpit and leaped into the pilot's seat. "Engage in combat with the invaders employing Escaflowne." 

He remained motionless as the giant armor strapped him in, adjusting to his body and fine-tuning its movement to his. "Good, it's precisely as the honorable ancient texts described it to be . . ." he muttered. "I can control it!" Taking a deep breath, he cautiously stood up and tested out all the armor's functions. Each worked perfectly, emitting small bursts of steam from long disuse. 

Hitomi gazed worriedly at the machine. "So if that white guy was Escaflowne . . ." she whispered, looking around agitatedly for its black opponent.

Van's face mask split open. "What do believe yourself to be doing?" he yelled. "Make haste and hide!"

The mammoth wooden entrance doors burst open abruptly. Instantly alert, Van squinted to see his enemy against the bright sunlight, but all he could make out was a vague purple glimmer. "They have made their appearance," he hissed, closing his face mask. Nearly avoiding stepping on Hitomi, who immediately backed away, he drew his sword and faced the doors.

Hitomi meanwhile ran up to the next tier. Halting, she panted furiously, "Where . . . where is the black guy?" Searching the area wildly, she noticed a shimmer to the left of the entrance doors. "Van!" she screamed. "To your left!"

"What?!" he asked bewilderedly. Puzzled, he glanced to his left only to see death approaching him in the form of three claws of lighting fast liquid metal. Stumbling back, eyes wide, he barely managed to avoid it, watching it lodge itself instead in the shrine wall. Wasting no time on recovery from the shock, he severed the deadly strand and charged after its origin. 

"You're not escaping my blade of justice!" he thundered, unleashing a massive blow on his unseen enemy. The sword slashed through an invisible material and his opponent came into view. "A guymelef?" he asked in disbelief.

Hitomi gazed at the guymelef fearfully. "It's the other giant I saw in my dream!" she whispered, her face deepening into a scowl. "But it's _blue_! Someone had got to fix those configuration settings!" she shrieked, shaking her fist at the sky and completely disregarding the ongoing battle as she vocally vented her frustrations to the ceiling. 

A sudden prickling on the back of her neck drew her attention back to the fight, however. She gasped in horror. Another guymelef was coming up behind Van and he didn't even see it! Frantically, she dashed across the floor of the shrine. "Van! Behind you!" she screamed, but he didn't seem to hear her. Dreading what would undoubtedly come next, she firmly closed her eyes.

A loud roar caused them to fly back open again. As she watched transfixed, Balgus himself lopped off the guymelef's arm with an immense burst of energy. Landing lightly beside her, he swung his colossal sword around in a great arc on the floor. 

"Balgus!" queried Van.

"Lord Van!" appealed Balgus urgently. "Take Lady Hitomi and get out of here while you can!"

Sweat pouring down his face as he struggled with his opponent, Van growled, "I won't shame my ancestors by leaving my fair country in such great distress and surrendering to my foes!"

"Lord Van!" cried Balgus desperately as Van proceeded to fight his adversary, heedless of the danger that laid directly behind him. Frantically, Balgus summoned his last reserves of energy and leaped onto the white guymelef's shoulder, parrying the second guymelef's potentially fatal blow.

"Balgus!" Van breathed softly, his heart racing.

Straining against the enormous blade, Balgus unleashed a battle cry and forced the enemy sword off. Recovering quickly, he vaulted himself onto its now visible shoulder and began attacking the face mask. "Lord Van!" he roared.

"Darn it!" The prince slid his blade along his enemy's and forced him off. Kneeling down, he extended his hand to Hitomi. "I cannot leave a damsel in distress! Grab on!"

Hitomi did so, but couldn't help muttering to herself, "Since when was _I_ the one in distress?" Securing herself in the hold of the gigantic hand, she tried to feel comfortable as the guymelef ran out of the shrine . . . and into the fiery conflagration that was Fanelia.

Stunned, Van could only stare horrorstruck at the burning remains and gruesome carnage before his eyes. His face mask flew open. "All right, Balgus . . ." he said weakly. "Withdraw our forces . . ." 

Feeling an all too familiar sensation of terrible premonition, Hitomi's eyes went wide. "Look out! Balgus!" she screamed.

Balgus managed to turn just in time to see the liquid metal fluidly pierce the air before it shot effortlessly through him. He fell backwards off his perch and collapsed on the ground before the pair.

"Balgus!" Van cried.

"Balgus!" Hitomi shrieked.

Grunting, he propped himself up weakly to talk to them. "Lord Van . . . Take Escaflowne and flee . . . and someday . . . return and rebuild Fanelia . . ." he gasped shakily. His eyes started to glaze over and close with pain. "Reunite the people of Fanelia . . ." he wheezed. Suddenly his eyes flew open, blazing with an internal fire. "_And build me a monument_!" Jerking only once, he collapsed dead on the soil.

~*~

In a galaxy far, far away . . .

"I sense a disturbance in the force, Master Yoda," gasped Luke Skywalker, dropping his lightsaber. 

"Mmm . . . The disturbance I too sense," murmured Yoda. He closed his eyes for a moment in contemplation. "Something in all capital letters is being put . . ." His eyes widened in surprise. "For the first and only time!"

~*~

"BALGUS!"

Struck motionless, Hitomi could only shudder helplessly as four blue guymelefs materialized suddenly before them. "No . . ." she whimpered softly. This was all just a hallucination. None of this was real. Not the enemies which could not be seen, not the city burning all about them, not the dead man lying before them in a pool of his own blood . . . "No . . . _no_!" she screamed hysterically.

Almost as if summoned by her distress, a column of light broke through the heavens and collected where they were kneeling. Remaining for only a few brief moments, it dissolved into the air, and carried them away.

~*~

High in the mountains, Merle revived with a jolt. "Van-sama?" she called weakly, glancing about her. Standing up abruptly, she stared with horror at the faraway pillar of light. "No . . . the hair spray factory exploded . . ." she whispered. Her eyes filled with sudden tears. 

"Van-samaaaaaaaaaaaa!" 

~*~*~*~

Authors' Notes -- Kari: ~*^_^*~ and KyonKyon: /'^_^'\

~*^_^*~: It's doooooooone! *collapses*

/'^_^'\: *pats head* Want a sedative? 

~*^_^*~: Mmm . . sleep is goooooooood . . .

/'^_^'\: You know, you wouldn't have this problem if you watched your font sizes more carefully.

~*^_^*~: So I didn't notice I was typing in point 11 instead of point 12. Big deal.

/'^_^'\: It is when you're trying to reach a specific page length!

~*^_^*~: Your point being?

/'^_^'\: We could have skipped a few of the expanded viewpoints!

~*^_^*~: But we had to explain why Fanelia burned so easily!

/'^_^'\: Illegal hair spray factories? 

~*^_^*~: Precisely!

/'^_^'\: *stare* You really are sleep deprived, aren't you?

~*^_^*~: Hey, it added a special realism to the work!

/'^_^'\: _Very_ special. *sigh* Anything you want to say before you really collapse?

~*^_^*~: Dude is a non-gender specific pronoun!

/'^_^'\: Of course! Though in this chapter it is used in a masculine sense, we believe firmly that it can be used as a familiar form of address for all persons!

~*^_^*~: And so, we would like to give our compliments to couple dudes who we devote this beautiful, though nonsensical, chapter to:

/'^_^'\: Kaliko Rosa for answering our email on formatting, even though we later realized our computer was so ancient we couldn't use her detailed advice, 

~*^_^*~: LishLish, who acted as a constant test tube for random ideas,

/'^_^'\: And our favorite dude and number one fan, the girl formerly known as Al,

~*^_^*~: Etowato! Duuuuuuuuude!

/'^_^'\: Dude! All we can say is:

~*^_^*~: Edud sknaht!

/'^_^'\: Dlrow eht elur segassem lanimilbus!

~*^_^*~: Until next time, our stalwart fans,

/'^_^'\: Ja ne!


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